The first droplets of motherhood - The days after

After having given birth to my daughter on the 27th of March, I had to spend the next three nights at the hospital. Now this was going to be a challenge since I had almost no one for company. Well of course my baby and another woman and her baby. My roommate and I later on grew to be good friends, she being the one with a bucket full of advises, a second time mommy. I always had company in the form of either my husband or my mother during the day time at the hospital. Nights I used to dread them knowing how difficult it is to handle a baby all alone. The moment I used to sit for my dinner, the baby would shriek out loud. I could simply not put her down. She always liked/likes to be carried around. Since I had some stitches 'down there' neither could I sit properly nor sit properly (I just realized well that is the only thing I could not do! So not that bad eh?) I was deprived of my precious sleep for 3 nights in a row and majorly upset since for all small things I had to call the stranger midwife (each time a different one) and not my mother whom I could at least shout at when upset(oops sorry mom!) The strict midwives kept scolding me and kept pushing me to breastfeed the baby. Yes, I went through a hell lot of frustrating hours trying to pump out milk as I was in no way a natural milk-goddess! Today when I look back I want to thank those midwives for having me pushed into deep waters even though I did not know to swim! Breastfeeding is a special experience given that it is a special baby and mommy time. No one and literally so can produce milk other than mommy dearest.

All was not smooth at the beginning. One week into it and I started doubting my abilities as a mother. I cried and cried during evenings especially when she started to be aggressive and refused to drink milk. Well now I know better on how to handle such instances. Every first time mother has to go through this and learn from the experiences...there is simply no escaping this! Alas!

After about a month into this weird 'new to all of us routine' did we 'settle' into another unknown unpredictable one! Well just that we know better now! This really never changed the fact that a new friend of mine visits me too often - worries of a mother (that is what my mother calls it!). I dream about it all the time! She falling from the bed and hurting herself, I forgetting to take her along, people covering her nose with bed sheets in all the excitement...all of these are my dreams! In every dream my baby is as tiny as her nostrils! People may laugh their heads off but yeah I guess these are a 'mother's worries'. Talking about my paranoia did I happen to mention about my samurai skills as a mother? We went to the garden the other day when I happened to see a spider.The poor thing died in a flash of a second as I did my samurai hand wave and killed it. Yes, without any second thoughts about the same! “Dare you come near her”- I mouthed out to the spidey.  Did I also mention about the times when I check my baby's forehead for fever? I do that a lot...hoping against hope not to 'create' one!

One would ask (as I always did) what is the fuss all about? Why is parenting such a beautiful thing? Well for me, for now, they are those amazing, precious, irreplaceable moments spent with my infant baby - her funny expressions, the sounds that she makes, her tiny fingers grasping mine tightly( I know, I know it is just a reflex...but it does make my heart melt a bit every single time she does that), the satisfactory sighs she lets out after eating her food, moments observing how my partner enjoys spending time with the infant and plenty of others.

I know it may get rough and challenging...I know that someday she may get a fever after a vaccination but  just like I battled those non milk flowing initial days, just like I killed the unwanted spider in the garden, just like I wake up fighting my weird expressionist dreams, I would be able to handle these too...

Love conquers all demons.